


Muggle Pranks

by Warped_Alignment



Series: Requested Fanfics [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Laxatives, M/M, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:22:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29153496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warped_Alignment/pseuds/Warped_Alignment
Summary: Harry teaches Sirius and Remus that you don't have to use magic to prank people.
Relationships: Petunia Evans Dursley/Vernon Dursley, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Harry Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Requested Fanfics [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2203311
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	Muggle Pranks

"..And so that was our best prank ever, and it was all down to Remus," Sirius said, grinning as Harry licked his ice cream. 

"Have you ever done a prank that doesn't involve magic?" Harry asked, a mischievous smile on his face,

"Umm..no?" Sirius responded. He looked to Remus, "Have we?"

"I don't think so." he responded, "Why?"

"No reason."

"You can't leave us hanging like that." Sirius whined, "Come on, tell us."

"Well, we agreed not to prank the Dursleys, right?"

"Yeah..because we can't do magic in front of muggles." Remus prompted. 

"Exactly. But if you were to do a prank which wasn't magical.."

"Then there'd be no consequences." Sirius finished, "You're brilliant, Bambi."

"So what do you suggest we do?" Sirius asked.

"You guys are the legendary prank masters, why don't you figure it out?"

"Fine." Sirius sighed, and the three of them went into the leaky cauldron. 

-

An hour later, Remus and Sirius were at the shop, looking at all of the muggle things. They went down the toy aisle, but there was nothing there. The next aisle was the medicine aisle, and they were about to leave, when Sirius knocked a bunch of bottles off the shelf, much to Remus' dismay. 

"Sorry," he said with a wince, and then leant down to help Remus pick them up. Remus picked a purple bottle off the floor, and looked at it for a moment, grinning at Sirius in such a way, he stopped too.

"What?"

"I think I've just found our prank, pads."

-

Harry received a very confusing letter, and had no idea how to get it to take place, but a new kind of determination filled his stride as he entertained the idea of Sirius and Remus attempting to pull off a muggle prank. It wasn't as if he didn't think Remus could do it, he was a half-blood, after all, but Sirius? Sirius had never spent so much as a day without magic, and Harry was certain he wouldn't be able to achieve it without doing something horribly wrong (and, if he was being honest, he wanted to see this happen)

So, when Harry was frying bacon in the pan, he smiled as his aunt and uncle, 

"Aunt Petunia, isn't it difficult having food made by me so slowly," he said, knowing he'd get nowhere without insulting himself. 

"Yes. You are an incompetent fool, just as your father was." she snapped, and Harry knew he had her now, 

"What if someone made you food, one night?" he asked innocently. She snapped her head around, smiling maliciously, 

"If you are suggesting _I_ take _you_ to a restaurant, you're severely mistaken." Harry resisted the urge to roll his eyes, and ploughed on, 

"No. What if..you could have a restaurant experience, but not in a restaurant?" he asked. She eyed him suspiciously, 

"Go on, boy, spit it out." she looked almost curious to what he had to say, 

"Remus and Sirius have invited you to dinner," he said. Her mouth gaped open in shock, and then confusion crossed her face, until eventually it settled upon anger, closing her mouth abruptly, 

"You are not to joke like that again." she told him, and he frowned, 

"No. They actually wanted to invite you." She considered this for a moment, looking the boy in the eyes. He had no doubt she'd say no, since they weren't ever on good terms, and the only reason they agreed to let them have Harry was to get him out of their hair, but instead, the next words out of her mouth were enough to make Harry's own jaw drop, 

"Well, if those fools wish to cater for us, then so be it." her smile grew, and he turned away from her, mumbling something about owling them a letter, racing out of the room before he could be stopped, and desperately trying to hide his grin as he hurried up the stairs.

Whatever they were planning, Harry couldn't wait to see what would happen next.

-

Remus grinned at the sight of Sirius cooking in the kitchen. He grabbed a bottle of wine from the cupboard. It wasn't particularly good wine, but he didn't want to waste good wine on people like these. Remus went over to the sink, and poured out some of the wine. He poured a fair amount of the laxatives in, and shook the bottle. Sirius turned around from where he was chopping herbs, and saw the two bottles. Remus warned him,

"Don't drink the wine."

A quick nod of Sirius' head indicated understanding. 

_Good, everything's ready._

_-_

A few hours after this, a beautiful fish pie was in the oven, the laxative-spiked wine was on the table, and all that the two marauders had to do was wait, which was unfortunate, since waiting happens to be the only thing Sirius Orion Black cannot do without breaking a person, object, building or anything else in some way or another.

..Which explains why Remus was busy cleaning up a broken vase when the Dursleys arrived at the door.

"Coming!" he shouted, banging his head on the table as he shot up from underneath. He then raced to the door, realising Sirius was already there, and talking to them,

"Hi! Good to see you, Petunia, Vernon, Dudley." he said steadily, then turned to Harry, "Hi mate! How're you?"

"I've been thinking over what we talked about at Diagon Alley," he said with a grin, "I look forward to it!" Sirius smiled back, then took a step away from the door, allowing the others to enter. 

"And what is this talk about?" she asked, and Sirius simply shrugged, ignoring the glares he got. 

"Dinner should be ready in a few minutes," Remus called from behind, "So make yourselves at home. Would you like some wine?"

-

Half an hour later, and a lot of polite conversation, the 6 of them were eating dinner, and Petunia and Vernon were looking..uncomfortable. They shifted in their seats, looking apprehensively at the rest of the group. They weren't eating any more, and Sirius was biting back a smile as he watched what they'd done. Until suddenly, Vernon, looking extremely flushed and uncomfortable, spoke up. 

"Excuse me, but where is your bathroom?" Sirius smiled politely,

"Well, it is just down the hallway, and to the left." and he watched as the large man rushed into the room.

By this point, Petunia was still looking decidedly red, and was biting her lip with the stress, 

"Do you happen to have another bathroom?" she asked innocently, but both marauders could tell what was happening, barely tamping down on the giggles desperately wanting to come back, reminding them of the hilarity shared in school. 

"No. I'm sorry. I'm sure he won't be long," Sirius responded, although he knew no such thing. In fact, he possibly knew the opposite of this, and the hilariousness of the situation was threatening giving him away. He tightly clamped his mouth shut, suppressing the giggles which were sure to come from him, but Petunia didn't seem to notice. Instead, she was trying not to give herself away.

Until her stomach grumbled, and she stood up from her chair swiftly, hurrying down the hallway, and pounding on the door for Vernon to hurry up. Sirius, Remus, Harry, and Dudley all stood up, coming out to the hallway to _see what's going on_

They got there just in time to see a final, desperate blow on the door from Petunia, followed by an earth-shatteringly loud noise from her rear, and a brown patch rapidly spreading across the back of her (ill-chosen) white jeans. She turned around to see the four of them standing there, flushing even more, her fuchsia cheeks burning, and looked at them in an expression which could only be described as pure horror, before rushing out of the door, into the street below. 

This was the time that Vernon decided to step out of the bathroom, still flushed from exertion, and panting slightly, and said, 

"I'm sorry. I think it was something we ate." Sirius couldn't stop himself from laughing as he said, 

"Or drank." Remus started to chuckle too, and Harry followed suit. Vernon growled at the three of them, following the path his wife had taken out of the door. 

Needless to say, they never had dinner with Sirius and Remus again. 


End file.
